Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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