the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
