So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
