I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
