Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
