Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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