I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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