You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
