Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Small penises have feelings too.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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