I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
