he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
