Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
