was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
