you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
