dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
