I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
