Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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