I accidentally had phone sex last night
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Found the puke drawer
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
