Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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