At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
