you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
