And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sober January is a disaster.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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