shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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