But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
