i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're too hungover to prance.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
