The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
