The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
