I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
