The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the day after is always just damage control
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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