You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
