I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
