My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
