true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
