Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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