I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
