I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
