how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
