my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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