When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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