Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
