first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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