chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
