When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
