perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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