Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Couch. On fire.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
