I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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