wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
