someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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