They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
