Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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