Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
