last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
