Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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