I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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