You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
