Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
