I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
