It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
