There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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