The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
