i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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