Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
