she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize