dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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