What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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