I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
