I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
