sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
